in the past, i believed that the more i loved someone, the more they’d love me. others’ views of me consumed me. like ants to sweetness, or flies to good food…relentless, and focused. i sought and i poured. all tried and dried, i fought still.

what matters more is how i feel about myself.

i measured my value against how others loved me.

and it led to decisions and choices that broke me into versions of myself i didn’t recognize…rearranged my perceptions of her.

to me it means loving others not from a space of lack and need, but from a space of pleasure…of curiosity and possibility.